


I'm Sorry

by benvoliotheorphan



Category: Avengers: Infinity War - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death, Gen, Infinity War spoilers, Major major spoilers, i just wrote this during lunch at work and felt like posting it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 01:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14509743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benvoliotheorphan/pseuds/benvoliotheorphan
Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WARPeter’s thoughts during that scene of the movie.





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> i've never really written anything for the mcu before, and while i'm alright at writing angst i haven't really attempted to write something like this before either. and i know i'm not the first to try and write what was going through peter's head during that scene. but the idea wouldn't leave me alone all morning so i just wrote this out on my phone during lunch at work so i could at least focus on productive things.
> 
> might as well post it, right??

It hurt. More than that, it was _agonizing_. He felt as though every part of him was being pulled in different directions. Oh god, was it suppose to hurt this much? The others, the Guardians, when they... disappeared they looked bewildered and scared, sure, but not like they were in any sort of pain. Doctor Strange was even calm enough to say his last words to Mr. Stark before he vanished, giving off not even a hint of the pain that Peter was currently experiencing. And they were all gone so quickly, much more so than him.

So why did his entire body scream as his disappearance was dragged out?

Peter fell forward onto Mr. Stark, clinging to him and crying. He was dying. God, he was _dying_. The mere idea terrified him, keeping him up many nights in the past as nightmares of close calls ending differently plagued him. And now it was real, happening in perhaps the worst way possible.

He couldn't help but think back to when he was under all that rubble, the wreckage of practically an entire building pressing down on him. Back then his body had screamed more so than he ever could, the agony of it all being almost too much. It was the only other time this sort of desperation and panic overtook him, a moment that continually haunted him even years later. And although he didn't die that night, that was still, by far, the worst physical pain he had ever endured - and to make matters worse, as if the original pain hadn't been enough, he could feel his body trying desperately to heal itself, to fix the scrapes and bruises and fractured bones, but the pressure was simply... too intense. 

The greatest blessing his powers have given him had become his greatest curse.

And here he was, sobbing into Mr. Stark’s shoulder, desperately clinging to him as his body fought to keep him whole and alive, and Peter found himself cursing his accelerated healing for dragging this out in the most painful way possible.

“I don’t want to go,” he found himself saying over and over again as his mind continued to race. Various thoughts flashed through his head as the realization of his death began to fully dawn on him. He thought of his friends, of MJ and Ned having no clue about where he was or what was happening to him. He thought of Aunt May, having lost her husband only a few years prior, on her own in their apartment with no family left. And suddenly guilt was curling his stomach into a tight knot, somehow overshadowing his fear and pain.

They would be heartbroken, mourning him without ever receiving any form of closure. Unless... God, what if they turned to dust too? Peter tightened his grip on Mr. Stark, desperately hoping that that wasn’t the case. Let them be okay, let them all be in the group that survives this. If they died, he couldn't... 

Well, he was dying anyway. He couldn't do anything.

If only he had been stronger... if only he could’ve kept the gauntlet away from Thanos... if only–

His legs suddenly gave out from under him – no, no, gone, his legs were _gone_ – and he could no longer keep himself upright. He felt himself being laid back on the ground and looked up to see Mr. Stark staring down at him with wide, fearful eyes.

_“So if anything, it’s kinda your fault that I’m here!”_

Peter’s guilt intensified tenfold. He meant no ill will when he said those words, had simply just been trying desperately to get himself out of trouble and justify why he stayed behind. And as he looked up at his mentor, his role model, he could practically see the same memory passing through his eyes. He knew Mr. Stark was no stranger to guilt and self-blame, and his throat tightened when he realized he was just adding to it.

_“And if you died... I feel like that’s on me. I don’t need that on my conscience.”_

Peter being there or not wouldn't change a thing. On Titan or on Earth, he'd disappear all the same. But Mr. Stark would still blame himself for this, even though it was all out of his control. 

The pain suddenly vanished, and though Peter calmed down with its absence it brought him no sense of relief. He knew his healing factor had given out, unable to keep up with the rate he was disappearing. His time was almost up.

He looked up at Mr. Stark, the tears shining in his eyes blurring the older man’s image, and Peter said the one thing he could think of:

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry for not being enough, sorry for putting this burden on you, sorry for dying.

He tried so hard to keep his eyes trained on Mr. Stark’s horrified and anguished face as he felt his body crumble, but soon his gaze became unfocused as everything slipped away. It happened quickly, painlessly, just like the others.

_“I’m sorry.”_

And then Peter Parker vanished, all thoughts and guilt gone, leaving behind nothing but a pile of ash and a broken Tony Stark to mourn him.


End file.
